My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can I color on your dick again?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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