You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
