Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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