I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize