I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
