You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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