Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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