I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize