Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
