Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
