everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
