like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
