I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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