Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
