I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
