If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
