pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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