My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
