so explain again why im purple
no
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize