turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
