I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
