I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
