It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize