I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
