i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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