get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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