this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
