First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
