My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
