I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
