The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
