We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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