Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
