k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize