we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize