I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize