I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
