She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
