we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont even know how to be here
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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