I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
