why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
