my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
