apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
