I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
