nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize