After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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