you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
