apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
