You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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