I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
