oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
