So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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