You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
