Duck Duck Cougar?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
