Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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