Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
