Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
