I don't think brook has ever known best
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
