Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
