its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
