new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
