I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
