sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
True strength comes from lack of pants
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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